|
The WONDER Bird!
|
This is truly a wonder bird! No more ugly turkeys on your dinner table, instead, there is purkey! Now purkey is taking the place of turkey all around the world.
I know you folks out there are wondering, how was this purkey developed? Well, here is the answer. The purkey started in the mid-1800's when there were very little turkey's because of the Indians eating them. The Indians had an idea to cross breed a turkey and a peacock so they could have more. Yet, they were unsuccessful. About 100 years later, some Amerian's came stumbled upon a book that told of this unsuccessful breed and thought they would try it. Well, that was also not working. The birds had no heads this time! Well after that major let down, they stopped. In 1996 my company (Turkey Is The Most Wonderful Bird Especially When You Cross Breed It With Other Interesting Animals! Otherwise knon as T.I.T.M.W.B.E.W.Y.C.B.I.W.O.I.A or BHP & Company) heard of the breeding of turkeys and peacocks and I thought I should try this out. Of course I had some problems like they constantly look at themselves in the mirror or the talking (that one really surprised me). We still have one problem that we are working out. It is the darn noise they make. The scream out "GOBBLE!" Otherwise, they are pretty much as good as they get.
Today they are on the market and are the most beautiful substitute for a turkey on thanksgiving.
Now I bet you are wondering where you can get this magnificent bird. Purkey is available in most parts of the world except Washington State University... those Cougars. Anyway, just call us at 1-800-GOBBLE (46653) Or fill out the form below.
We also have: tofurkey (a tofu turkey), porcuperkey (a porcupine, peacock and turkey), a turcow (cow turkey) and donkerky (a donkey turkey). These are all very tasty, but they are just not as beautiful as our favorite purkey.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Form
each purkey costs an amazingly low price of 20� per pound.
Name:
Address:
Phone number:
number of purkeys:
weight:
shipping and handling: FREE!
total price:
THANK YOU!
|
|
|
|
|
ThE qUeSt FoR tHe HoLy SuRgE!
|
It was a bright and sunny morning. I had just awakened to a noise coming from outside. I got up and looked outside to find I wasn�t in Kansas anymore� wait, I never was in Kansas� to find I was now in Kansas. Back to what I discovered outside. I saw what seemed to be the shadow of a very tall man, but as I followed the shadow to its source, it was actually that of a short man. Due to the fact that he was obviously shorter than I was and he looked somewhat like a geek, I thought it would be safe to answer the door. What I didn�t know was he was a black belt in Judo. The gee wasn�t that obvious, all right?
I opened the door just a bit when all of a sudden; the Judo dude kicked it the rest of the way open, flinging me across the room like an insignificant rag doll. I don�t know how long I was out, but when I came to, I found that all my stuff was� gone! Then I heard a voice with an English accent asking if I happened to have any Grey Poupon. I looked around and saw that the voice was that of an English man with a limo waiting for him out front of my house. He had a wet rag in his hand. For the life of me I couldn�t understand why he had a wet rag� at first I thought he wanted to dust, but I had no furniture. Then he started to slowly walk toward me. Just before he got to me, he sneezed and put the rag over his mouth. The rag must have been drugged or something because the next thing I knew, he was on the floor in a coma! I didn�t really know what was going on, but I did know I was tired. So I got up to get a surge. To my surprise, there was no refrigerator. THEY TOOK MY SURGE! I can�t believe someone could do such a thing! I fell to the ground in shock. Then two very large men came and took me to the limo. I didn�t put up a fight because I was still wondering who would take my precious Surge away.
In the limo I found the two large men, the Judo guy and my friends and family! It was a party for me! Wait, that was a dream. Weird how dreams can seem so real. Well back to the limo. I found the two large men, the Judo guy; my High School friend Jocelyn and a bird named George. Don�t ask me how I knew the bird�s name, but it looked like he had a nametag on. After what seemed like forever, we pulled up to what looked like a vacant hotel. The two large men pulled me out of the car and into the old hotel. We went up some old dilapidated stairs into a room covered with spider webs. Being the arachnophobic that I am, I was not to fond of this room. They tied me to the bed and then went to get Jocelyn and tied her next to me. We started talking and found that we were in the same predicament. The only difference was the Grey Poupon guy actually did something in her case. Then all of a sudden, I looked outside to see cows flying! I knew something was up, so I asked Jocelyn if she saw anything. She said she didn�t but I know I wasn�t seeing things. Jocelyn might be one of the bad guys, just playing with my mind, trying to make me completely insane. The door flung open and there stood the Judo guy with a nametag saying Bob, and a guy that looked like he was about 6�5�! I couldn�t really make out his nametag but I think it said something like Adam. What is it with bad guys and nametags? I would think that if they were bad guys, they wouldn�t want me to know their names! Then I noticed that Jocelyn was wearing a nametag too! Ah hah! I was right! She was a bad guy too! That night, I became very paranoid, didn�t say a word to Jocelyn and kept one eye open all night. Yet, when I looked down, I found I was wearing a nametag. Ah hah! I was a bad guy! Wait, no I wasn�t... maybe Jocelyn wasn�t a bad guy after all.
The next morning, I apparently went to sleep some point in time because I awoke to the door being opened by the really tall guy. He was taking Jocelyn away, he said she was going to be killed. I wondered why they were going to kill Jocelyn� what did she do? And why was I here? I didn�t do anything wrong, did I? Then the tall guy said that I was next and slammed the door. So I thought I would go back to sleep� I know, I know, an odd thing to do when death is near, but hey, I was tired! As soon as I got all nice and comfy, as comfy as you can get with spiders watching your every move, waiting to attack at your most vulnerable moment, a guy barged into the room and untied me. He explained everything to me. The reason the people wanted to kill me was because I had Surge and they had just run out. Jocelyn was also trying to get my Surge and they didn�t want her to, so they obviously had to kill her. But, when Bob the Judo guy went to the store, he found a 12 pack of Surge and was quite happy with that. So they sent this guy to let me go. Only problem was, they wanted to keep my Surge. I was overly protective of my Surge and just couldn�t let that happen. Now he was going to help me escape. It all made sense� well everything but the flying cows, however, I didn�t expect him to explain that. So he gave me a double barrel 20 gauge. It was love at first sight.
We quietly ran out of the room with guns in hand. Once we turned the corner, we saw Bob the Judo guy. I pulled the trigger. Wow, I have bad aim. Well, I ended up firing aimlessly which worked out well, killed Bob and Adam.
Just when everything was going good, the ground beneath us opened making us fall� into� Surge? SURGE!! It was SURGE!!! I looked around and saw Jocelyn and� Terika? How did Terika get here? Hmm� more importantly, what was the point of this place?
to be continued when I think of an ending
|
|
|
|
|
ShOrT sToRiEs ThAt MaKe No SeNsE
|
Each story has about 3 to 5 authors where the first person writes 4 sentences then folds the paper so the next person can only see 1 line and go from that to continue the story. So if you are wondering why some parts make no sense, that is why! OOh ooh the picture on the side is MEEE! just kidding.. it is my pet monkey named Bob!
Story #1:
Once upon a time Bekah decided to fulfill a lifelong dream, and buy some monkeys as pets. So she went and got the monkeys from a pet store. Little did she know that these monkeys liked to play with explosives. So, she thought, I will buy these monkeys some firecrackers for behaving so well, when all of the sudden: BOOOOOOOM! AHH! The sheer terror of it all.They were trying to kill her. Those freakin' monkeys were going to blow her up into little chunks on the floor. She had to get out of his small intestine somehow. So she took out her trusty chizel and started to hack. This made the giant very angry and then he slammed down his fist. Bekah was crushed under his pinky knuckle. "Save me Bob...!" But her screams were muted. Bob couldn't save her now. Bob was still tied up to the blasted flagpole. The chains dug into his hands so they bled and bled and bled. Then they reached the bones in his hands. He was shreiking in pain as the chains started to wear away the bones. He was just waiting for the bones to start snapping. The bone bridge was not as sturdy as he thought. He tried but it wasn't as easy as he thought. He awaited the time of his death with vengence. He was not about to be killed just because he murdered 100 innocent people! It was so fun! He was going to escape! He must escape, he had no choice! HE MUST KILL ONCE MORE! YES! he grinned as he stalked Little Boy Blue behind the haystack. All it would take was one thrust of his knife... Then Saddam Hussein bombed the world so I guess it's the end.
Story #2
I will get another story on here soon.. oh and about the pictures not working above, I can't get em to work for some reason, but the first one was of a turkey and the other of surge hee hee. Well thank you for comin to my page.. Hope something made you laugh.. I like it when people laugh! BYE!
|
|
|
|
